"This one was nice and long, VB. Good job." Spencer Owen on my cock.

"Yeah, so last night I dreamt that I was on the internet and I got an IM from Mr. Ryan Mooney, and he said something that I forget now, but then he signed off and I turned around in my chair, and there the bastard was, right behind me. He was lying on a bed with his shirt off. I started talking to him and then this hot chick came in the room and said, 'That is so sexy.', refferring to Ryan's "S" that he shaved into his chest hair, like superman. I nodded in approval and then I woke up." Nice Geoff

" Man, this week sucked! I bought a nice ass fucking brand new bic lighter and when i got my second batch of weed I smoked a bowl with the guy I bought it from and I forgot my lighter at his house! :-( So I had to smoke all my weed with a candle and matches. I don't have to smoke weed with a candle anymore, I bought a new lighter!" Nick Christianson

"they smash car!@@!!@!!!" Mean Geoff on monster trucks! Quote of the year potential!

"I *hate* Heather Graham! I don't even think she's hot. She looks like a frozen, expressionless porcelain doll that could shatter if you threw a baseball at it. And she can't act, either." A Spencer Owen quote which sets us up for...

"No, you don't. you would rape her in a second if you were locked in a dungeon with her. I know i would! hella yeah! I'd fuck the holy shit out of her! GODDAMN! And do I care if she can't act? hell no! I can't even act. I can't complain about someone's acting if I can't act any better. But i'm going off the subject here... HEATHER GRAHAM HAS THE NICEST ASS! AND REALLY SMOOTH AND SEXY LEGS!" Mean Geoff

"Why can't I just get money for free?

I mean, come on! I'm not asking for too much man. Can't you just give me some money? it's just paper. Just make up some money, and give it to me. It could be counterfeit for all I care. As long as people will accept it as money, it's alright with me. And I think I should be getting paid more. I work my ass off for the fucking frozen department, and all I ever get bsides my $5.90 an hour from managers is their constant bitching, and more work. Hell, for my work, i deserve less work, and less bitching, and a bigger paycheck. I should get a fixed pay rate, like $200 a week. That's all i'm asking for. $200 a week for 12 or 18 hours of work. i'm sick of not getting alot of money. Look at those scientists who are all getting paid for doing almost nothing. What have they ever done? Figure things out? I figure things out too, and do I get paid for it? Hey... that's not a bad idea. There should be a little place where you can exchange ideas for money. Like, whenever you figure something out, they give you, like, oh... $20.

i got to go to work in an hour. I hate my shitty ass job. Fucking freezer looks like shit, and I got to organize it, while the manager yells at me.

FUCK YOU MANAGER!!!! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING YOUR MONKEY BITCH!!!!" Another masterpiece from Mean Geoff

"Me and Linnell, we're like *this*." Skippy. "Hey, you're not as bad looking as everyone says you are. No wonder you have a wife, Mr. Linnell! " Chris Lough. "You fucking ass! *I* was just thinking of someting really nasty to say to spencer. Now that you already said sometihing, mine will sound totally uninspired and unoriginal. (kinda like your book)" Mean Geoff

"One time I had sex with a fine chick in a dream, and in the middle of it, she took off this mask, and it was this guy who lives down the street named Lou. Lou is crazy, and he talks to my mom about lord cares what, and he sits on his porch and smokes shit in his pipe all day.

I was really pissed off when I found out i was fucking lou." Guess.

"Why is it, that on the Musings board, there is tons of off topic messages, but on the topicless board, there aren't half as many posts?" Moon Shadow

"Ok, I was practicing rolling joints for the Rage Against the Machine show. I used penciol shavings to practice. I rolled One shitty one, and one nice one. I set the pencil joints down, and rolled two real joints. and to make a long story short... I screwed up, and i just smoked some pencil instead of grass like i wanted to." Mean Geoff

"wow! i didn't know there was a growing market in meat production! i better start a meat business. I'll call it 'MeanGeoff's Meat' and the slogan will be 'You can't Beat... Mean Geoff's Meat.' like, you know... beating your meat. i think it's witty. like beating your meat, as in 'masterbating'" Mean Geoff

"Please Jay?"

"Please Jay?"

(from inside his belly) "Please Jay?"

Jay: "Oh, what do you care?"

"I said PEAS, Jay. And mashed potatoes." Brandon Deadmonkey

"Get off that sweet, oh so sweet crack, Spencer." The Nice Geoff

"That wussy girly frilly little Scottish girly wuss would have his whole face completely removed if _he_ tried to eat a live crocodile. And what's going to save you from unsavoury elements on a New York street late at night? The latest, largest addition to your already expansive knife collection, or a few lines from Python's Spanish Inquisition sketch? My money's on the chopper, baby, and I mean that in more ways that one." Jim Boswell

"'Baby Geniuses' jokes *never* get old! I still remember using and re-using them. When I was waiting in line for the opening night of the Phantom Menace, I kept loudly remarking "this is the line for Baby Geniuses, right?" Man, I thought I was pretty damn funny." Mike Remiker

"It wa sa very intimate affair, there were only about 50 people watching John, and when he left, he just packed up his accordion and walked out the front entrance and down the street, just like a regular human being!!!" Ken Moodie at the John Linnell show

"happy 'your grandmother's a whore day.' happy birthday too. does anyone remember the 'your grandmother is a whore day' thing, was that on the board or am i halucinating?" Sarah Holland

"Mean Geoff: 'My family sucks ass!' I never want anything to do with my family ever again. Thanksgiving has made me realize that almost evrey member of my family is a fucking loser jerk.

My grandma is the biggest bitch ever. She was like, "Jeff, put the chex mix in there." I really didn't know if she wanted me to put the the chex mix into the bag, or if she wanted me to put the chex mix into the bowl. So, i figured that putting more chex mix into the almost empty bowl would have made the most sense. But grandma fucking bitch didn't think so. She said, "Jeffrey, That's not what i said. put the damn chex mix in the bag!" I wanted to throw the fucking cheese wiz at her face. GOD! what a bitch.

My Aunt is a bitch too. she's got this boyfriend who is a fucking fabio wannabe. He always makes fun of me for being an altenative school kid. He said, "Hey jeff, how's kindergarten coming along?" I said, "that's not funny asshole!" and he got all offended, and told my father. Isn't he a dick fuck? My aunt called me a spoiled brat for calling her boyfriend an asshole, and when she left she said, "Have fun at preschool!" I wanted to throw some dirt in her hair, but her idiot boyfriend and my cousin Joe probably would have beat me up. My cousin joe is pretty stupid though. He's 2 years younger than me, and he's got the IQ of a REALLY dumb football player. I mean, think of a typical dumbass football player. Pretty dumb, hey? Now imagine what that football player would be like if he got a lobotomy. Yup... that's my cousin joey.

AND MY FAMILY IS A BUNCH OF FUCKERS!" From now on, no one can complain about how they hate having their family over for Thanksgiving, because you'll know there's somone out there who has it worse than you.

"You know what makes a girl feel better? / A little bit a' gettin' it on!" - Luke 10: 18-19 - from the Nice Geoff

"Why is it that girls always have at least one gay guy as a friend? And guys, on the other hand, never do?" Mean Geoff

one minute later....

"Oh, nevermind. I figured it out." Mean Geoff

"Ryan, if I die, I want to go to girls' soccer heaven." Colin Montgomerie