This Week In Musings
November 19, 1999
We have such big tits!
"What are you whining about? you know, whenever i'm sad, i try to think about how much life sucks, and how cool it would be to just break a bunch of shit, and make fun of alot of people. this helps raise my level of self esteem, and makes me think of other things besides my problems. Try to think about how the world will end, and while you're doing that, listen to the tortured screams of all the people who put you down, and look at their wretched faces, and watch them die, die, die. Yeah. Doesn't being angry at evreything feel fucking good?" Mean Geoff
"Woah!@ Spencer's mad? I thought he could only make goofy faces." Mean Geoff
"Actually, i'd be pretty pissed if you like, dissapeared, or something. Because you are like, Spencer, and that's good egnough for me. yes, you are a little creepy nerd, but hey, you know... " They don't call him the Mean Geoff for nothing.
"There are Muses in New York? I thought that the only Muse still around was Sharon Stone, and she lives in LA." Seth Christenfeld. "Ha. Ha. I'm laughing on the inside. No, really. Excuse me if I don't live on the message board." Jonathan Altschuler
"I was talking to this girl at the New Haven show and she knew Rob and she was saying that yeah he was weird and whatever...and i told her about how he wanted to take me out and date rape me and she was like 'don't do it, the sex is horrible.' my jaw hit the floor" Meenie7
"PROJECTED BUT NOT IMPROBABLE TRANSCRIPT OF INTERVIEW
kellifur: "wow! linnell looked really DREAMY tonight, don'tcha think?"
flans: "um, i."
kellifur: "the t shirt he was wearing.. would you call that color kelly green or hunter green? i spent like half the show absolutely tormented by trying to pinpoint the exact shade!"
flans: "uh."
kellifur: "well i guess it doesn't matter, he looked adorable in it! just yummy! i could eat him up! did he get a haircut or something, i mean..." (insert loud squeal here)
flans: "you know, i think i have to get going now.."
kellifur: "oh gosh, no! hold on, let me get to my questions here." (flip flip) "alright, can you tell me whether or not we're going to ever see a studio version of 'two people in love' on an album or some other official release?"
flans: "what song?"
kellifur: "'two people in love', aka 'what is everyone staring at?'."
flans: "i have no idea what song you're referring to, which is a pretty good indication that the answer to that question is no."
kellifur: "oh, that's too bad. now you've just got to tell me how many pairs of converse sneakers linnell owns--he must have a whole closet full!!!"
flans: (bolts for the nearest exit)" by spiraling shape
"If this don't make your booty move, your booty must be dead." Ken Moodie on Hence The Name
"Man, it's fuckin' quarter after five, but, y'know, fuck it, right? Y'know? Fuck it. Let's go bowling or whatever." Drunk Mike Remiker on Girk's voicemail
"Of course, when I die I my corpse to be pushed through a mincing machine a la 'The Wall', in front of the assembled mourners." Ryan Mooney
"When I die... I'm going to have it in my will that I'm to be cut up and put into all of the hors d'ouerves secretly. Then the funeral will be a closed casket one so no one will now that I'm not actually in there... but instead, in their tummies!" Mike Remiker. I think you should try that. I would!
"why do I always have such weird dreams? Well, the first part I really remember had me ice skating in a rink. I fell down once and the ice cracked and scared me. VB and Mike were there, goofing around with some other guy, and I think they helped me get away from the broken ice. Then I just skated around for a while. I noticed the three of them slipping off somewhere, so I followed them to see what they were up to. I followed them into this apartment type thing off the side of the rink. They were in the living room, and they had a record they had made. Mike and VB had done all the music and stuff, adn the other guy had helped them record and stuff. They handed it to me, and I looked at it. It was like a spoof album, making fun of me [*cry*]. Then VB turned into a little grey kitten, and Mike ripped the tip of his tail off. I got mad, yelled at Mike and scooped up the VB-kitten to protect him. I pet him and noticed that all of the tail was gone. Mike threw the tip of the tail at me and turned into a big longhaired calico with green eyes. I tried to pet him [I love-a the kitties!], but he walked away... Then some girls showed up with a chart that showed how well different kinds of brownies served as hockey pucks....In the next part, everything took place in this tall business building on the elevator and the many flights of stairs [they were right next to each other]. My boyfriend John had been taken captive by Charlton Heston and some younger guy,
but he managed to escape, and they were chasing him up and down the stairs and elevator. I was chasing them, and trying to save John. The younger guy was the more dangerous, and I'm not sure Mr Heston was exactly a bad guy. I can't remember too well. Anyway, we managed to successfully nullify the younger guy [I don't think we killed him, he just wasn't chasing us anymore] and Charlton Heston ended up dying, because he was old and couldn't take all the exertion. I think he fell down the stairs [:(]. Then John and I went to the ground floor of the building and talked a while, and there was this plaque type thing on the wall, and it had two sections. A bunch of tourists came in to look at the plaque, and one of the old men [in a straw hat and bermuda shorts] started crying and threw himself against the left side panel, which I was still reading [for some reason I was reading right to left]. I quietly and politely asked him if he could please move, but he was so upset about whatever that I had to carefully move him to the other side of the plaque." nemo"Some drunk guy called my house for a cab this morning..." nemo
"21 Years of Tyner: A Retrospective...
*videotape starts rolling*
Year 1: Tyner is born. He learns may vital things, such as how to cry when you need food, water, or attention.
Year 2: Tyner learns to walk, talk, and throw toy blocks.
Year 3: Tyner's toy block throwing skills prove invaluable in his new pasttime of throwing toys and Matchbox cars.
Year 4: *note: missing footage*
Year 5: Tyner gets his first glimpse of the cartoon "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe." It's influence on him becomes obvious in his later works, such as 1986's fictional piece "He-Man fights Skeletor on the Moon."
Year 6: Tyner starts school. His pasting-elbow-macaroni-to-paper-plates skills are hailed by his professors as "unheralded."
Year 7: Considered a child prodigy after creating many influential works (including the now famous "Family Portrait," featuring crudely rendered drawings of Tyner and his family in front of their house), Tyner graduates to the first grade.
Year 8: Tyner gets his first taste of competition when, during a game of scooter hockey in gym class, Tyner's fingers are smashed by the mini-hockey stick of an overzealous classmate.
Year 9: Tyner pens his classic piece of literature, "My Summer Vacation," which goes on to appear in such weighty publications as Mrs. Carrington's Second Grade Class Writing Scrapbook. A passage: "I went to a waterpark. I went on some waterslides at the waterpark. One of the slides was really fast and it was blue. I got some water in my eyes at the bottom of one slide. I went in the wave pool, but it was really deep in some parts."
Year 10: TYNER LEARNS CURSIVE!
Year 11: Controversy and uproar enshroud Tyner after he is unfairly implicated in a school-wide "cooties" scandal.
Year 12: Tyner discovers girls. His grades drop accordingly.
Year 13: Tyner discovers masturbation. His grades drop accordingly.
Year 14: In a move that astonishes many, Tyner tells his parents that he "hates" them and "wishes [he] was never born" when they don't allow him to see an R-rated film in the theater.
Year 15: Tyner begins high school, as well as beginning the ball of rage and hatred that will build for the rest of his life as he for the first time sees the cruelty of the real world.
Year 16: Tyner learns to drive.
Year 17: Tyner spends his prom night sitting in a Denny's with a 14-year-old home-schooled kid who lives across the street from him.
Year 18: In celebration of becoming an adult, Tyner goes to the local gas station to purchase a lottery ticket and a pack of cigarettes which he will eventually throw away without ever smoking even one.
Year 19: Tyner succeeds in grabbing an open slot on the Clemson local college radio, delighting his audience of three with his witty banter, wry observations on campus life, and many, many songs by Tuscadero.
Year 20: Tyner celebrates his graduation from the "teens" by refelcting on how little he has done with his life and making the depressing realization that he will never be able to be a child again, no matter what.
Year 21: Only the future can tell where Tyner will go from here...
*graphic comes up that says "Happy Birthday, Ada, Tyner, from the cast of 'For Your Love'." fade to black.*" Mike Remiker
"On the occasion that I have masturbated thinking of people that I know in real life, I tend to feel very guilty afterwards, as if I took advntage of that person. In a sence, mentally raped them. This tends to be unpleasent, and mentally frustrating. Anybdy else have similair problems?" Deset Gled.
"Why are you always such a pussy? Seriously, you're like a fucking chick. You're all like, 'Oh man... I feel so guilty I masturbated about this one girl that I actually know in real life. It's almost like I raped her.' Well fuck that! When I masturbate about girls I know, I feel like I beat the shit out of them, fucked them, and threw them out the window. I'm a fucking manly man! not a pussy shit like you. Why don't you just kill yourself, you fucking pansy!" Mean Geoff
"well, my dad decided that the computer needed to be "proffesionally" Y2K proofed during Thanksgiving vacation so I won't have any internet access for like, 10 days. Enjoy your lives and happy thanksgiving.
*goes to florida; eats mad toast*" Meg F
"No more of the smokin' hottie!? Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and while we're at it, Happy Australia Day, and be my valentine. See you on February 26th, 2000 AD." Ryan Mooney
"Rock 'n roll doesn't come from your brain. It comes from your crotch." Some guy on Freaks and Geeks
"I've never gone on a date, but I HAVE come in a watermelon" - Ed Byrne
"*sigh*" Spencer Owen
"Ryan, when I die, I want to go to girls' soccer heaven." - Colin Graham
"Goddammit, Nick! Can't you do *anything* right? You're a Scientist for christsakes! You're worse than John Nicholas!...Well, maybe not." - Bill Cosby (1992 - 1999) Nice Geoff