"Girkabob - an open letter. I will leave Ken and marry you, right now. Girk-a-bob, three syllables lightly tripping from velum to bilabial... light of my life, fire of my loins. She was Girk in slacks, Girkaboob in class, but to me she was always... GIRKABOB." Ryan Mooney

"I HATE people who poop in airplane toilets!~!!! POOP DOESN'T FUCKING BELONG IN AIRPLANE TOILETS!!!! And Disney World SUCKED! Except Islands of Adventure. ALL the rides there ROCKED! And What's up with Ryan Hennessey? Is he still fucking his shit? huh?" Mean Geoff! Yeah, I am still fucking my shit!

"Me and my friends terrorized those little fuckers. First off, I went up to Three kids who were trick or treating, and threattened to beat them up, if theydidn't give us their candy. Two of them told us their dad was the mayor, and if we took their candy, so we decided to let them go, since it was such a cute response. but then we got a snicker bar, an oreo, and a kitkat from some kid who is a weiner." Mean Geoff

"One time, i had sex with two hot chicks in a dream. and then in another dream, I had sex with some zombie lady who wanted me to mow her lawn. I love Zombie dream sex!" Mean Geoff

"I think you're a mormon. Seth 'See Subject' Christenfeld" Mean Geoff

"Depression is the worst thing for a young mind, because children's minds are too fradgile. They start smoking pot, joining religious cults, and listen to heavy metal music. Kids keep shit bottled up inside, because they can't cope with their depression, and when you bottle shit up, it turns to anger, and then in one huge psychological explosion, they kill other classmates. I don't know if i see the whole picture. Maybe i'm missing something, but that's my opinion. kids who kill other kids are boners." Mean Geoff

"I just have to tell you (collectively) that I just sold Ricky Martin tickets to Mary Lou Rhetton! How terribly random is that?! I can just say she is the tiniest woman I've ever seen and has ridiculously white teeth..." Amber Erceg

"You Is Stupiding.... Well, you is." Brandon Deadmonkey (Ed. note: You Are Spiraling joke, if you don't get it)

"That is probably the most awesome thing I've ever heard. If I sold Ricky Martin tickets to Mary Lou Rhetton I'd probably have to kill myself. Cause what else is there to live for after that? I'm not saying you should committ suicide. I'm just saying that's what I'd do." The Bored Guy

"Someday I'll have to post the request I got from Prince Bader Abdul-Aziz Al-Saud of Saudi Arabia (that's his actual name). He wanted to have dinner with 'your incredibley talented group N SYNC'. I wound up getting him into a meet and greet and one of his men slipped me $300! God bless America!" Amber Erceg

"Wanna know something that's kinda cool?" Doug3000. "What? You mooma?" Mean Geoff

"ass." Meg F.

"The next time they have a teen tournament... You should try out. You're really smart." Skippy to Girkabob.

"That's like my brother's favorite joke being 'Blacks shouldn't mate with Mexicans, 'cause their children would be too lazy to steal.'" Maneki Neko

"Ooh ooh! Wait a minute! I can be offensive, too! So, is that like, Blacks shouldn't mate with Japanese becuase their sons' penises would be to large to have sex with prebuscent girls?" Ken

"Shut your fucking mouth, EVERYBODY!!!!!!" Brandon Deadmonkey