October 26, 1999

The Muser Rundown

Posted by DJ Tiny Cyclone (kaisserine@aol.com) on Tuesday, 26 October 1999, at 5:35 a.m., in response to This oughta stir up some trouble., posted by Ben Banks (Gambiani@tmbg.org) on Monday, 25 October 1999, at 11:08 p.m.

Welcome to my beloved Musings Board. This is a strict place with lots of rules. Before I tell you about the Musers here, there are some rules that you need to familiarize yourself with:

Rule #1. You do not talk about the TMBG Musings Board.

Rule #2. You do not talk about the TMBG Musings Board.

Rule #3. On sundays, we make soap from Spencer Owen's mom's liposuction fat. Spencer lives in a wealthy suburb of Los Angeles, and his mom gets plastic surgery on saturdays.

Rule #4. You do not talk about the TMBG Musings Board.

So now, here's the answer to your question.

The top dog around here is, without a doubt, Mike Remiker. Mike loves David Bowie, Katie Wallace, and walks on the beach with all those girls who say that they like walks on the beach in magazine interviews. He's always willing to lend a hand when you need an oil change or an elvis costello cover. Respect Mike Remiker, for his approval will make or break your board career. The ladies call him "Lightning Fingers Remiker." Then men just call him Sir.

The Top Cat position is still open. Top Cat hasn't shown up yet. We're taking turns watching the cartoon network, but so far, no dice.

Chris Lough is the hyper-sensitive muser. He is likely to boycott the board for days on end, so watch what you say around him. The floor is made of eggshells "Chez Lough."

Vinyl Boy is the board's resident rapping robot. He's the nigga on the mic that's always gettin' laid / He's dustin' sucka MCs like a snobby french maid. VB rhymes profound with sounds from the underground / he's pushin' platinum still / and he's dressed to kill. If you see him around, tell him to call Kate. Seth Christenfeld is the Theatre Expert. He's got something that he calls "schtick." Seth's schtick is the board equivalent of Dumbo's magic feather. If you steal his schtick, he can't post. So DON'T steal his Schtick!

Ryan Mooney is the perpetually drunken kiwi. He's as gentle as a koala in a relationship, but as wild as a tasmanian devil in the sack. Ask anyone.

The Fat Man will talk your panties off, Ben Banks. He's smarter and wittier than you could ever be. He speaks French, German, and Latin, and you don't. Fat Man is not for the consumption of mere mortals. He's my intellectual superior, and yours as well.

Ken: Kickin' it old school like a 1950's robot / You'll never understand the range of moves that Ken's got / Body rockin' harder than a brotha can take / MCs fall to their knees when he starts to break.

Triangle Man: a fine sitcom writer.

Spencer Owen: Born to live in the Village. Stuck in Brentwood with only his Laurie Anderson cds, Daniel Deerhunter, and pictures of Girkabob to keep him company.

Deset Gled is the Board Secretary. Please submit all of your personal information to him.

The Spinto Band: Albie, Thomas, Nick, Jeff, Joey, and Sam. Collect all six! Pick your favorite! I like Albie, he's a dreamboat.

Brian Beissel is the unsung hero of the musings board. He is responsible for everything that is on topic.

TMBGeorge brought us fuel for the board that lasted for months. Faelan. Need I say more? I'm not ready for lovemaking yet, but when I am, I'll give you my number.

Dave Mazzarelli: Dear, Dirty Mazz. I love you. You love Oi. We can talk scooters all night. So why don't you post more often?

Mean Geoff: The TWIM DOMINATOR!

Mosquito: Sarah Holland's sidekick.

Announcement is Rob Plass. Spoo.

Arvid Engen is the oldest of the oldbies, nearly. He wears a devo hat.

Jay G: better than Vanilla Ice. Not quite as good as RZA.

James Chris Anders and His Brother, Brad: James says y'all, lives in louisiana, enjoys the occasional pillow fight. I don't know a damn thing about brad, except that he's the bored guy.

Adam Tyner has his own board. Ryan Mooney imagines Adam Tyner when he's having sex with Ken.

John Nicholas: We hate him.

HLC: The only muser with a muser girlfriend!

Nick Christianson: the former scourge of the musings board. Missing in Action.

Aussie Jim Boswell: he's Australian. Ryan mooney is from New Zealand. They may never meet.

Brandon Deadmonkey: he's awesome.

Jesus Howard. He's married. he tells jokes about math. They aren't funny.

Now for the Girls of the musings board. We were going to have a calendar, but it fell through, just like Goodbye the band and the musings board comp.

Deb Levison: available now! call 1-800-GATEWAY.

Girkabob: AKA Girkaboobs. She's the board Lolita. Who else could lure a man from sunny, smoggy L.A. to St. Louis, MO?

Flaming Wreck: an oldbie, and the only mom on the board!

Rabid Child: Shana has the connections! She's been to Brian Dewan's house! She's cool!

Sushi: Cute, Cute, Cute. Need I say more? Yes. I do. She's Splendiferous.

Meenie 7- don't let the name fool you.

Julie Miyamoto: Maneki Neko, Manoki Nako, Maneki Noko, whatever you call her, she still knows that Mike Remiker is just a Rabbit Cocktail waitress in fishnets sitting in a cemetery. Certifiably insane, insanely certifiable!

Nemo: Gray eyes, always ready for a pillow fight with james chris.

Sara Holland. sadly, she looks like miss ricci. sadly, she's always drunk.

Moon Shadow: an australian. There are lots of those.

Skittle: tasty!

Meg F.: Meg Favreau is Megalicious!

SpiShape- she'll make you go insane.

I'm Tiny Cyclone. AKA Sarah Rissone, AKA Katie Wallace, AKA Cap'n Kate Remiker. I will rock your socks off.