This Week In Musings

May 21, 1999

That's just like saying "Fuck you" to their face, dude!

"There was a piece of newspaper on my floor this morning that had a headline that said "Board Approves $7.5 Million Building Contract", or something like that, and, in my early morning haze, I honestly thought that it said "Brad Anders Wins $7.5 Million, Builds Crazily". Seth Christenfeld

"Just as I opened my packet to start writing, and just as TMBG started playing, the building collapsed in a horrible windstorm." The Fat Man. It really happened?

"Dan Rather has been lauded as a songwriter of the finest funk songs about trains since Gene Autry. It simply kicks ass. I think you should buy it. He takes his funk to new levels on "Flesh Tunnel," "Funky-Ass Train Conducta," and the slow love ballad, "Goddamn, Flesh Tunnel (Master Mix)." Jenny Clow, CMJ New Music Report

"But, I'll still sleep with somebody named Chris Lough. If only I could find one...aw, hell. Your name doesn't have to be Chris Lough. Volunteers? Anyone?" Girkabob

"Succubus! How dare you tempt these poor lonely young men with your carnal promises? I would never stoop to such a level as standing in line for sexual gratification! Unless I could cut in front of Lough, I think what he's got is catching." Ken

"Marketing the book initially proved to be difficult, but Joyce's estate has signed a number of deals in recent weeks. Hasbro Toys is producing an action figure -- an artist's rendition of an id trying to strangle itself -- and the marketers also tried to get McDonald's to commit to a national campaign. "We wanted to put short passages on Happy Meal boxes," Wyatt says, "but the McDonald's people wouldn't bite." The deal eventually went to the Gap, which plans on incorporating a James Joyce cardigan in its Khaki Writer ad campaign." Salon.com on "Ulysses: Episode 1" I laughed so hard at the "id" part, I cried

" Honestly, is there anything sadder than watching someone applaud at a movie screen. Its like they expect the screen to go "Aw shucks, I was jus' doin' my job. You Star Wars people are just too kind.... Liam Neeson was okay as Qui-Gon Cong Chong Ginn Gong. The only problem I had with him was that whenever he was supposed to be looking at Jar Jar, it looked like he was gazing at something 100 miles away. If I were Jar Jar, I be like "Dude, what the fuck are you looking at? Is there an Ewok sneaking up behind me or what?" Then again, if I were Jar Jar, I would kill myself." Brandon Deadmonkey

"You don't have to criticize others for having a fucking good time because they should be able to do it however they fucking want." Skippy

" So anyway... the point is, I can't get the damn girl out of my head! And I never even talk to her! it's like I'm planning out our wedding and she has no idea that I even know her last name! And here I sit, thinking of ways to "accidentally" run into her somewhere. I went to Star Wars tonight, and I was looking around the theater constantly, hoping maybe she would show up there, and knowing full well that if I think about going in to school one morning under the false pretense of saying hello to the old newspaper advisor and, oops!, I run into her in the newspaper room. Of course, again, I'd never say anything if she was there, unless she gave me some sort of huge lead-in, like "hey, have you ever thought about asking someone to do something that you would never normally ask? If so, who?" And even then, it's iffy. . . .Here's another thing- it seems anytime I get my mind set on a girl like this, it only ends in disaster. And I don't mean disaster as in I end up never talking to her. I mean disaster as in I turn into a fucking kamakazi pilot in order to make the thing work and it never does. I always end up on my ass. And it's never graceful." -  Mike Remiker