This Week In Musings
May 14, 1999
Don't try to confuse me with the
truth!
"He swallowed each new cocktail in a blink. "Is he still drinking?" Yes, he's just begun! Look out!
He's looking green! Go, Fat Man, run! Now he's slumped next to the bathroom sink." Sara"I still love that. I just copied that and emailed it to myself to enjoy forever and ever. It's so lovely to have my worst hangover immortalized. And the eerie part is that it all happened. The running, the sink...all that's left out is me slumped in my friend Stephanie's lap saying 'Please don't let me die, Stephanie...there's nothing more pathetic than choking on your own vomit...please don't let me die...'." The Fat Man. I nearly doubled over laughing at that!
"OHHH YEAAAH! OHH YEAAAH! *dances* *falls over, spills Kool-Aid from head* DAMN, kids! I lost my shit! I gots to go! Purpleasaurus Rex is about to ride up on the Kool-Aid limo!" Kool-Aid Man
"Drink me, bitches" Kool-Aid Man
"Kool Aid Man is the BOMB! If only he were still around, humourously destroying buildings and wrecking homes in his quest to provide us, the people, with delicious fruity refreshment. He should really get back to break-dancing, too. There's nothing I like more than drinking the clammy inner fluids of a sentient pitcher. Jim Jones ain't had nothing on Kool-Aid man, he never shamsed through a brick wall in
his life! I think..." Ken"I have converted some one, thanks to my chick magnetness." Rob Dietz
"I'm just excited about hearing the Cher machine on "It's So Loud In Here." Mike Remiker
"A friend of a friend of mine was Sir Mix-A-Lot's paper boy. That's my claim to fame." Doug3000
"I have a question for YOU, Skippy." The Nice Geoff
"*I* have a question for *YOU,* the Nice Geoff!" Mike Remiker
"*I* Have a WART on my *ASS*!" The Nice Geoff
"Who is the guy opposite Flansburgh throughout the Guitar video? I'm hoping someone here will
know. -Thanks!" Wes Terwey. That is the coolest question ever asked on the TMBG Musings board"Now, if the Johns lipsynced, or read their banter off hidden teleprompters, or rigged Dan's drums so they "spontaneously" caught on fire every time he soloed on "She's Actual Size," *that* would qualify as a "deceptive" live show. As it is now, though, I don't have a clue what the f*ck this guy's talking about. " Rabid.Child
"I could not read the Federalist Papers without jerking off," an up-and-coming social scientist at Midwestern university confesses to me about her student years.
""Three words," says Graham, a Ph.D. candidate in English. "Free Internet access. I bought one of those spray cans that cleans between the keyboard keys."
"He shall be the very first to go. Aw hell, why wait? I'll kill him before I've taken over the universe. Come Saturday, Matt Diehl shall be dead! So says The Head." Seth "Rhymes" Christenfeld
"Your parents sicken me. Everytime I see them holding hands, or kissing, it makes the bitter
loneliness I feel inside boil up and overtake my senses. I start feeling numb and my heart breaks when I think about how alone I am. All I want is to feel loved. Is that so wrong?" The Bored Guy"I think the oompah band alone would make me sad. Imagine having an oompah band follow you around wherever you go, constantly playing. They drive to the bank with you. The go to the movies with you. They get intimate with your girlfriend and you. It doesn't get much sadder than that." Mike Remiker. I had a dream like that once
"like a prayer? as in madonna? hmm... okay, i saw someone preform that at a school function this weekend, they were wearing what i think was a pair of black plastic pants...." Michelle LeBlanc
"in gummo, the kid is watching himself tapdance on an old mattress in front of a full length mirror
while his mommy holds a gun to his head!" spiraling shape"I accidentally swallowed one of my teeth with a handful of Red Hots." Mike Remiker
"I was eating a "fun-size" Three Musketeers and accidentally swallowed a loose tooth!" The Boreed Guy. Fun!
"Following this, everyone was swept onto the 4' x 4' dance floor to crowd together. This irritated
me (bad dancers...people I disliked...girlfriend acting irritated at me for 'ruining the greatest night of her life').... There is *NOTHING* I hate more than learning new dance moves ON or NEAR a dance floor. This irritated me. We went and danced a little more...dull, standardized little-circle dancing, mainly. Then she decided she wanted to dance with other people, and proceeded to explicitly 'freak' with various other males, causing my mind to cloud with anger. I strode out. Little harlot. .... I told her to slap me if she was so angry. She did, but it was executed badly, so instead of being a satisfying snappy SLAP! it was more of a dull thud as her wrist slammed painfully into my jaw. See?- even the slap sucked. " The Fat Man"I tell you if I ever see another female again I'll....I'll hug 'em..and, and kiss 'em, and I'll just.....oh
man! Because you know a woman is lot like a beer, fellas. You drink the first one down, but then you got to have another one. And another one. And then when you drink down six of them, you have to go to the store and get six more! Yeah.....I love women. *passes out like a sissy-mary*" Chris Lough"hehe- today it was gorgeous out- and during lunch i jumped in my convertible and drove around
for an hour blasting my Star Wars soundtrack. How was I to know I'd pull up next to my boss at a red light and he'd laugh at me." Crazy"Do you also like Pop-Tarts? And have you ever seen this alledged hate made from a Pop-Tarts
box that Brad talks about?" Mike Remiker. That sounds so cool!"You want bad journalism? Let me send you a copy of our local rag, the New Haven Register.
You'll be crying and screaming for mercy from God before you open that first page." Chris Lough. Right-o!" i don't care how clear it might sound. *bangs giant bell* even this clear!" Me
"I didn't know you were a bellsexual!" Doug3000
"Love Jon" Ringo Starr
"from what i've been told, my first sexual experience of any sort was with a tothood friend named
trevor - who was in my playgroup with me. apparently, we drew on each other's genitals with magic marker." spiraling shape"Burn in hell David Mazzarelli" HLC
Seth "Working on a musical version of TEKKEN" Christenfeld
"It's so easy! Why didn't I think of this earlier? Anyhow, if you go to one of the theatres where
there's a huge line for tix, you simply go to a nearby parking lot, stand next to a spotless SUV that has been sitting there for a few days, and when the 30-something ex-geek software professional who owns it and has been camping in line for the past week to get tickets shows up, just wave a length of pipe in his face and make a few vaguely threatening remarks. These guys are wussies, they'll fold like origami! Especially if they have their family with them, they're all, "Oh please, don't hurt my family!" and their wife goes like, "Just give him the tickets dear!" Hee hee! I've got 38 tickets to the 8:30 showings already! And the best part is you can sell them back to similar folks for up to $50 a pop! Breaking the law is great!" Ken"I know a bad wrestling name. (whispers) Mr Ass. Don't tell anyone I said that. I'll pound you. I know all the wrestling moves." Craig, age 7