March 20, 1999

It's very late. Don't blame me for being jaded enough to tell you this. I feel like it. Today was Horatio Alger day at school. There were almost no classes and we went to see all these "motivational" speakers. And one was in the auditorium. He was a blind guy and he had a dog with him, but I didn't know it was a dog at the time. it didn't look like a dog. It was just lying there while he was at the podium talking. So it was just lying there, right? And then my friend was like "What's that thing on the stage with him? It looks furry." and I said "It's a really furry duffel bag." and then we stared at it for a bit and he said "I think it's moving! Look!" And I look at it and say "What the hell is that!?" while the blind guy is still giving a speech about fences or something. And then my friend pulled out a really sharp pencil from his backpack and said "Hennessy! Go kill it! Whatever it is!" And so I took his pencil and I ran up onto the stage screaming and I stabbed the hell out of the thing! And then it started bleeding all over me! And I was still stabbing it and screaming "AAAAAAHHH!! DEATH! DEATH!" The blind guy pulled me off of his dog and I had to stop and look at my bloody clothes and hands. Needless to say, I went home without getting in trouble or anything.